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Man Who Retired to 'Spend More Time With Family' Returns to Work

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A man claiming he had retired from his high-level government job in order to spend more time with his family has returned to work, saying his family didn’t want to spend more time with him.
 
“It was the craziest thing,” the man, who chose to remain unanimous but confirmed he held a high-ranking position in the U.S. Commerce Department, said. “I walked in the door and said ‘I’m home for good,’ and my wife answered, ‘the hell you are.’”
 
The individual said he had spent most of his married life working up to 18-hour days and many weekends, in addition to extensive travel, and said he had believed he was just simply chasing the American Dream.
 
“But I didn’t know my children,” the man said with remorse.
 
The man’s spouse, who spoke only on condition that the media inform “the whole world” that she was maintaining an up-to-date Match.com account, confirmed her husband did not know his own children.
 
“He called one of them Mark—his name is Albert—and he seemed both shocked and surprised at the sight of our twin daughters, when they had approached him with what they wanted for Christmas,” the woman said, cheerfully offering her physical measurements for publication.
 
The woman said it wasn’t so much that she or her children resented their husband and father. “What’s to resent? We didn’t know him,” said the spouse. “We just felt that at this juncture in our lives, it would become too crowded for us to start including him in everything we did.”
 
In returning to work, the husband and father of the family asserted the news that his own family didn’t want him and that they had moved on was disturbing.
 
“I guess you don’t know what you have until you don’t have it anymore. The best thing I suppose is to not know what you have in the first place, so that when you lose it, you won’t miss it,” said the individual, claiming he was quoting Yogi Berra.
 
Apparently more bad news awaited the Commerce official when he returned to work.
 
“I couldn’t have my old job back,” he said. “All they had for me was something I had done early on in my career, when I did have the time to marry and start a family.
 
“The irony now is I have the time again, but no family,” the man remarked, staring sadly into the portrait frames on his desk that now sat empty.
 
 

 

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