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Mountain found at site of former molehill

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Investigators have confirmed that a site once containing a molehill is now home to a mountain.

“It’s one of the most interesting geological events that can occur,” said one investigator, Jay Riemenschneider.

That prompted some in the media to wonder, “Is it bigger than global warming?”

That led to an avalanche of print and broadcast media to descend on Riemenschneider seeking further details and explanations. By mid-morning, satellite trucks and dishes were camped on the front yard of Riemenschneider’s home, awaiting comment.

A news conference scheduled for 10 that morning was cancelled do to a lack of new information, which prompted another frenzied wave of media reporting and conjecture about the meaning behind the cancellation.

“Well, is it a mountain or is it a molehill!” exclaimed one local TV news broadcaster, who appeared her query was expressed as an exclamation. “That’s what America is waiting to find out!”

In brief remarks to the media before disappearing into his home to eat lunch, Riemenschneider wondered if too much was being made of his revelation.

“An interesting geological formation isn’t necessarily rare or dramatic,” he said. “An ocean is an interesting geological formation, but is it dramatic?”

The offhand remark, however, only led to further questions as to whether the mountain may have anything to do with sea level rise or the melting of the polar ice caps.

Some in the media question whether the mountain out of a molehill story was just a random coincidence in the ongoing flow of the news cycle.

“Now that the Obama family dog has been identified and none of us understand yet what exactly a credit default swap is, there is a hole in the news cycle that had to be filled,” said one producer at a 24-hours news station, and who spoke on condition of learning whether a Portuguese Water Dog really has anything to do with water or Portugal.

Friends say Riemenschneider has turned down invitations to appear on “Larry King Live,” “Anderson Cooper 360,” “The View” and “On the Case with Paula Zahn.” The last request puzzled some, since the Zahn series focuses on crime stories.

“Making a mountain out of a molehill may be big news, but it’s not a crime,” said someone who claimed to be a producer for “American Idol.” Reasons for his presence at the Riemenschneider home could not be determined.

When told of the mountain and molehill story, a spokesman for former Vice President Dick Cheney said this is exactly what the vice president was talking about when he suggested the United States could be vulnerable to another terrorist attack.

When pressed whether the mountain or the molehill suggested the possibility of the attack, the spokesman said that the vice president believes either the mountain or the molehill may explain the continued terror threat to this country.

“Either way works for Mr. Cheney,” the spokesman added.

 

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