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Obama Set to Bail Out Saints?

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With the New Orleans Saints suddenly suffering its first defeat of the season, the Obama Administration is said to be considering intervening to help save the storied franchise’s chances of winning a Super Bowl.
Though currently enmeshed in efforts to create a playoff system to replace the BCS Championship in Division I college football, the president is said to be looking beyond healthcare reform, the Afghan war and global climate collapse to ensure his “plate remains full.”
“The President told his key aides that he was not necessarily looking to become involved in the NFL or any of the teams’ runs for a Super Bowl ring, but believes he can make a difference in reversing the fortunes of a once undefeated team that suddenly appears to be leaking serious oil,” said an anonymous source.
While the President successfully predicted North Carolina as the NCAA basketball champions this past year, the source said Obama officials plan to rely on the kind of acumen and analysis that guided the administration’s efforts in healthcare reform, the stimulus bill and the latest effort to jumpstart a jobs recovery. Applying that same expertise, the President is focusing on improving the team’s “bipartisanship” in terms of the team’s offensive and defensive efforts.
“I would like that bipartisanship to make a champion of that team by Christmas, or New Year’s, or sometime in January or February,” the President is said to have told close aides. When informed that a championship could not be achieved until Super Bowl Sunday, which falls on February 7, the President said, “the main thing is to keep working.”
Republicans are already coalescing in opposition to any Obama initiative to intervene on behalf of the Saints.
“The New Orleans Saints are part of the National Football League,” said one Republican senator. “And that team and the NFL should be left alone just like every other monopoly or cartel operating under the myth of the free market in this country.”
 Other critics point to whether there is a need for government intervention in the Saints season. The team is off to its best start in history and the recent loss was the first of the season. They are still 13-1. Some believe, however, it’s in the DNA of the city to see only the dark cloud and ignore the silver lining.
“You have to understand that New Orleans sits 13 feet below sea level. So even in perfect weather, the city is still under water,” said a spokesman for Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu, whose office is believed to be the one petitioning the Obama administration for intervention.
Sources for the administration say that if the Saints prevail on their own and win a championship, President Obama is not worried about finding another sports-related issue to keep his plate full.
“There’s always the Cubs,” said one senior official, somewhat wistfully.
 

 

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