Former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is planning to open a Presidential Registry with some of the nation’s toniest department stores, The Bubble News Service has learned.
“She’s looking at registries with Nieman-Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue and Tiffany and Co.,” said an unnamed Palin insider who was actually born without a name.
The insider said Palin is anxious to begin restoring the wardrobe and accessories purchased for her run in the 2008 campaign and then reclaimed by the Republican National Committee following the election.
“Sarah was shocked when she learned the RNC actually wanted the clothes returned,” claimed the source, “and further shocked when the committee demanded the 5-cent deposit on two cans of Diet Dr. Pepper she had asked for during the campaign.”
Off the record, the source said Palin felt somewhat vindicated by the deposit demand, because she had actually drunk the Dr. Peppers in Michigan, which has a 10-cent deposit law.
“She winked at me and said, ‘I know that I know that I know that it should have been a dime, so it serves those stinkers right!’” the source said, quoting Palin.
Palin is believed to have suffered a form of depression akin to buyer’s remorse, as she watched box after box of “really, really cool stuff” being removed from her closet. She was reported to have flown into a rage when an RNC aide tried to take Palin’s caribou hunting jacket, bearskin boots, mink hunting gloves, and moose shell vest.
“Those are my everyday, wear-around clothes and they belonged to me,” Palin is said to have fumed, while flashing a Bowie knife sheathed at her waist.
The registries are believed to be broadly defined, including everything from formal wear to traditional business attire, as well as something Palin refers to as “Sarah Casual.”
“Sarah Casual would be something like a Lavender Label Vera Wang Flower Satin Dress, a set of Jet-Tone Chandelier earrings and finished off with a pair of leather Andromeda Buckle spiked heel boots,” the source explained.
The insider said additional stores may be added to the registry, including “one or two downscale, discount outlets like a Target or a Boscov’s to demonstrate Palin’s sensitivity to the common people she hopes one day to rule with an iron hand,” the source added.
The source denied that the opening of the registry is the beginning of a Palin for President run for 2012.
“Palin will continue to speak out on the issues that are important to her such as her commitment to ‘drilling our way back to prosperity’ and issues related to preserving the environment for energy extraction,” said the source, though that source admitted that the registry would no doubt continue to demonstrate what a “hot-looking cougar” could look like standing in front of the presidential seal.