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Report: Palin Memoir to Focus on Essentials

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Those who have read advance copies of Sarah Palin’s autobiography “Going Rogue: An American Life” have reported they’ve been surprised by the effect the experience has had on them.

 
“I thought I’d be bored to death,” said one reporter. “Unfortunately, I wasn’t. Now I have to find a way to live with the experience of having read the thing.”
 
Other readers of the 432-page tome said they were surprised by the book’s length. “I couldn’t believe it when I got to page 432,” said one reader, who required IV drips and hospitalization during her reading. “It felt more like page 4,320.”
 
A world-class speed-reader claimed it was still the slowest slog he had ever lived through. “Proust was a breeze through a bus stop compared to this.”
 
Other reporters were willing to speak only on particular sections of the book. “I was struck by the level of detail in the chapter titled, ‘Make-up and Hair Tips When Preparing for a Television Interview While at Fish Camp.’ The pages devoted to the proper application of foundation and rouge for outdoor takes in a boat were quite informative.”
 
Others pointed to the real meat that is contained in the book. “I found particular interest in learning how Ms. Palin taught herself to handle a hostile press in the chapter, ‘You Betcha, You Betcha, You Betcha.’”
 
Sources close to Palin admit that the author in private is still pronouncing the title “Going Row-gew,” but say Palin is very proud of the fact that she was able to finish the entire manuscript “without chipping a nail.” Those sources were also evasive when asked how many hours per day Palin spent writing.
 
“We can say for sure that Sarah spent more time writing this book than she ever did reading briefing papers,” said one Palin aide, who immediately asked that comment be placed off the record.
 
The book’s publisher also hedged on whether the book will contain footnotes or a bibliography, stating only that “We are well aware that Ms. Plain’s strengths are in presentation rather than research and scholarship, and that any resemblance of the text to actual facts and occurrences should be considered coincidental.”
 
The publication date of “Going Rogue” will beat by several days a competing unauthorized biography, “Are you Stinkers for Real? The Political and Emergency Cosmetics Journey of Sarah Palin,” purportedly written by a roomful of monkeys with keyboards. A spokesman for the monkeys said the simians all felt rushed by the constraints of the deadline, and “believe they could have done a much better job with more time.”
 
Another proposed unauthorized bio, in a popup format, “Can a Pair of Designer Frames Ever Win the White House?” was scuttled by the publisher when it realized the monkeys had probably done a better job with the material and would no doubt outsell their offering.
 
An aide to Palin said there are no further books under consideration at this time. “I’m putting my little cutie thinking cap away for hunting season now,” Palin reportedly told the aide, who confirmed the thinking cap was actually “a pair of mouse ears from the old Mickey Mouse Club show.”
 
 

 

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