Report: White House eyeing task force to replace BCS

Success of auto task force breeding confidence for expanded government action.

Should Senate hearings lead to Congressional scrapping of the current Bowl Championship Series (BCS) for determining the NCAA Division I football champion, the White House is prepared to form a task force to determine the new playoff system and its annual contenders, according to a White House source.

The source, who claims to be an intern assigned to the current White House auto task force, spoke only on condition of receiving assistance in being selected to a paid position with any of the other White House task forces now under consideration, including the Reality TV programming task force, the physician’s office second waiting room elimination task force, and the fall leaf color-enhancing task force.

“The White House believes its proven success in managing the auto industry all the way back to the brink of collapse proves it can also be effective in dealing with some of the more common problems of American life,” the source stated.

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The White House auto task force recently succeeded in ousting the CEO of General Motors, as well as providing input on which GM models should be retained and which should be retired.

“We really got jiggy with it,” the intern stated. “Like, my job is trying to figure a good place to install a Wii on certain vans and SUVs and maybe a rack that can hold up to four skateboards. That’s tight!”

With Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah Utes) on record as declaring the BCS to be “anti-competitive,” the White House is reportedly now ready to develop a more effective approach. One idea under consideration is to replace the BCS with the Electoral College to select teams for playoff berths.

“What could be a more competitive institution to select teams for a college playoff than the one that is used to select our president?” asked the source rhetorically. “And, after all, the Electoral College is a college, isn’t it?”

The source said the White House acknowledges that utilizing the Electoral College to determine the college football playoffs could lead to creation of “swing teams” much as the College has created “swing states” in general elections. The other concern is that the Electoral College may select a team for the championship game that has less wins than another, much as it elected a president in 2000 who had fewer popular votes than his opponent.

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“Getting a Bush-Cheney-type football team into the championship game would be as big a disaster for college football as it was for the country,” the source stated.

The source also said that should the college football playoff task force become a reality, the White House does not plan to simply scrap the BCS formula that’s currently used to rank the top BCS teams.

“The White House thinks the BCS formula is so tortured, complex and difficult to explain, it may be the perfect solution for evaluating the portfolios of a bank’s toxic assets, which are also tortured, complex and difficult to explain,” the source claimed.

The source claimed to have no knowledge of creation of a so-called task-force czar that would oversee and coordinate the work of all current and future White House task forces. That report apparently surfaced when an open mike caught Vice President Joe Biden telling a reporter, “If I can’t be president, I’d at least like to be a czar.”

 

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