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Talking Sarah Doll Part of New Palin Presidential Strategy

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Documents received by The Bubble News suggest that soon-to-be-former Governor Sarah Palin is planning a broad-based and some say eccentric path to a 2012 presidential run.

In addition to expected book and television deals, sources close to Palin says she is in negotiations with several toy makers to produce a Chatting President Palin talking doll, complete with wardrobe and makeup accessory kits, each of which are being designed to exceed the cost of the basic doll.

“The doll will not come with the traditional pull cord out of the back,” said an aide. “In keeping with the true character of Sarah’s independence, the President Palin doll will be automatically voice activated and respond to distinct commands to speak, such as ‘Microphone,’ ‘Podium,’ and ‘Adoring Crowd.’”

Responses to these commands will be random, according to the aide, also in keeping with the real Sarah Palin approach to speeches and news conferences, but will include statements such as “Governing is hard work; let’s go fishing!” and “That Katie Couric is such a stinker!” and “I’m not a quitter, I’m a resigner!”

The aide said the doll will be equipped with movable digits on the hands that can be extended to add an element of importance and gravity to the banalities being uttered.

The aide said the doll is but one of many strategies aimed at convincing supporters beyond her base that she is a serious presidential contender.

In addition to the possibility of hosting her own TV talk show, Palin is considering several prime time game shows. “How Pretty is Palin?” challenges contestants to pick the most stunning wardrobe, makeup as well as background settings such as a turkey slaughter or a melting glacier that make Palin appear the most presidential.

“What’s On My Mind?” is a panel format that tries to guess what Palin is thinking based on her physical clues including winks, coquettish smirks and heartfelt hand gestures.

“Sarah will then select the winner based on which thoughts sound the smartest to her,” the aide explained. The aide added Palin is particularly interested in this concept because it seems like the best way to acquire positions on the issues without actually “having to do all that reading.” The aide said Palin made that last comment while adding the gagging gesture for emphasis.

The aide reports that since her decision to resign the governorship, Plain has stated she feels like “the weight of a pocket atlas” is off her shoulders. “I feel like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson all rolled into one!”

Asked if any of those personalities might wind up on a presidential ticket headed by Palin, the former governor is reported to have winked, smirked coquettishly and made a heartfelt hand gesture before stating, “You betcha!”

 

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