White House to Announce New GM Model

The White House plans to announce the results of its first ever auto design, according to a source close to the Obama Administration.

The source, who spoke only on condition of receiving help in purchasing a General Motors automobile that predated the government’s takeover of GM, claims the new design “looks a bit like a camel.”

“The model is tentatively named the ‘JobBliss’ and is expected to hit showrooms before they’re scheduled to be closed,” said the source.

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According to the source, the JobBliss is designed to get up to 35-40 miles per gallon, and seat a family of six comfortably, “as long as four of the family members are small and can sit in someone else’s lap.”

With what will be branded in the market as a “discount crossover” (a scaled back Cooper MINI platform with a Soap Box Derby shell), the source said one of the most unique design features of the JobBliss will be its roof.

“The roof will consist of a durable cardboard material that can be removed from the vehicle and folded out into a convenient shelter for use in public parks and highway underpasses,” the source confirmed.

“The interior of the vehicle contains several cupholders large enough to contain metal cups filled with pencils ready for sale during traffic stops, and a deep well-shaped bin below the rear window that can hold up to a bushel of apples, also designed for quick access and sale.”

All models of the JobBliss will be equipped with a specially programmed GPS system preprogrammed with the addresses and directions to all the major soup kitchens and food pantries across the country.

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The source added that, according to the Obama Administration, the sales potential for the JobBliss is virtually limitless. “The administration sees sales stretching so far into the future, they consider the market to be virtually endless.”

“Many Democrats in Congress were literally falling over themselves trying to add their own design ideas to the vehicle and claim credit for its design,” the source admitted. “Even recently Republican-cum-Democrat Arlen Specter suggested designing a steering wheel that could be placed on either the left or right side of the vehicle, depending in which country you might suddenly find yourself driving.”

Republicans in Congress reacted to the news with typical disdain for a Democratic Administration engaged in more wasteful spending and economic intrusiveness. At a press conference later this week, Republicans led by John Boehner are expected to unveil their own version of a newly designed American car aimed at reviving the ailing automobile industry.

“We’re calling our model the ‘Skateboard,’ said a spokesman for Boehner, who added the model combines the Republican principles of small-government and rugged individualism.

“The ‘Skateboard’ goes only as fast and as far as your two legs can take you,” said the spokesman. “That’s always been the American Way and it represents what the American People have come to expect from their Republican representatives.”

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House Speaker Nancy Pelosi issued a statement saying she either knew or didn’t know about the new design and would have voted for or against it, had she known or not known about it.

In an unrelated note, newly appointed U.S. Senator Roland Burris (D-Ill.) apparently has inquired if the White House can assign one of the prototype vehicles to him, “filled with gas and pointed toward Canada.”

 

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