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Delaware Today magazine 302 First, Thirty More Seconds: An interview with Santa Claus

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DT: So, St. Nick, does Delaware, as the First State, get any special consideration from you and the elves?
SC: Yes. Delaware is our first stop in the continental United States every year. Thankfully, GPS technology makes it a bit easier to find you guys these days. Your state is so tiny from up above. It used to be easier to spot when the Valero refinery was burning off bad stuff from its smokestacks. There were a few years, during snowstorms, when we almost missed you. But thanks to Rudolph … well, you know the story.

DT: Which Delawareans will be getting coal in their stockings this year?
SC: I happen to be a big fan of the UD Fightin’ Blue Hen football team. So, the folks responsible for adding that “donation” fee to season ticket packages … we’re talking coal city. They sure put the “blue” in Blue Hens for many of us loyal fans. Maybe they should be renamed the “Green” Hens.

DT: Speaking of green, how’s the bad economy affecting things up north?
SC: As you know, things are tough all over. We thought about setting up our operations in Delaware. We wanted to work something out with Wilmington Trust, but you know how that went down. So, we’ve been trying to finagle a land deal with DelDOT. That’s all I can say right now.

DT: Speaking of another type of green, what have been the effects of global warming at the North Pole?
SC: We have more slush than a Rita’s Water Ice up there. But we haven’t had to deal with anything like you guys have. I hear you had a tornado, earthquake, hurricane and lots of flooding last summer. We’re a little concerned with just how sturdy the roofs in your parts will be this year.

DT: What are some of the more difficult places to get to in Delaware?
SC: We’ve certainly had to dodge our share of, shall we say, flying projectiles over the years when delivering to Wilmington. And Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer get a bit twitchy while navigating over parts of Sussex—lots of deer hunters, you know. Dover Air Force Base makes the state capital a bit tricky, for obvious reasons. Also, it’s a bit tougher to land at the Biden place these days.

DT:  If you don’t mind playing along—we realize that Hermey the elf doesn’t practice in Delaware. But if he did, do you think he would fare well in our Top Dentists survey?
SC: Most certainly. Did you see what he did to the Bumble’s chiclets? If that’s not Top Dentist material right there, I don’t know what is.

DT: In this time of political correctness, have you had to change your style at all?
SC: Yes. There are a number of adjustments I’ve had to make through the years. I can’t make fun of the elves anymore and the reindeer aren’t allowed to fly for more than 12 consecutive hours without a break. And it’s definitely not cool to be a fat dude these days. Gotta lay off the Rapa scrapple.

 

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