For Father's Day, Stories of Dads Who Serve

BE PREPARED FOR THE UNEXPECTED

William Doughten, 42, Technical Sergeant, U.S. Air Force

Of all the coincidences in Bill Doughten’s life, none can top the timing of his return from deployment in Kuwait—two months early and just hours before his son’s birth. “It was incredible,” he says. “Three hours after I got home, we were headed to the hospital. Six hours later, I was holding my son.” 

Even for a guy trained to jump out of an airplane with little to no warning, it was heart-revving stuff. The sudden transition into first-time parenthood left Doughten, of Mullica Hill, N.J, with no time to adjust to a stateside routine. His family needed him, and he needed to be more present than ever. 

The birth changed everything, including one thing he wouldn’t realize until a few years later: how he’d feel on his next deployment. 

“Being away was much more difficult this time around,” says Doughten, who was deployed in Kabul, Afghanistan, from August 2015 through February. Being able to Skype or “hang out” was “a blessing,” but many times, such cherished moments also left Doughten with an unbearably heavy heart. 

“My stepson had just started a new school and was more active in sports, and the little guy was transforming at sonic speed. I really felt like I was missing out.” 

As it is for many other military parents, service is bittersweet. The pride he feels in helping soldiers and civilians in other countries lead safer, more fulfilling lives gets him through. “People may gravitate toward negative aspects of the military, but there are a lot of good things happening that go unnoticed,” he says.

William Doughten with (from left) sons Chris and Jaxon and wife Carolyn

Trip Singh with (from left) wife Chanelle and daughters Tristen and Alexis

WHEN COMING HOME IS THE HARDEST PART

Trip Singh, 36, Captain, U.S. Army

For Trip Singh of Millsboro, embarking on an eight-month deployment to Kandahar, Afghanistan, and away from his wife and two daughters was a well-executed decision based on a determination to not be “the guy who didn’t serve while the world was in such a state of turmoil.”

Singh spent two years planning for his departure, which was calculated so the timing wouldn’t hurt his daughters’ focus on school and sports or put excessive strain on his wife, who would be playing two roles while he was away. 

“At the time, we looked at where they’d be in school, the activities that they’d likely be engaged in—essentially, a window when not many other life events would be happening,” Singh says.

The plan worked better than expected. While he was away, there were numerous opportunities for Skype catch-ups and some virtual tuck-ins, as well as the ability for Singh to hold his ground as a hands-on dad and to carry a sense of confidence that his wife and daughters were happy, healthy and safe. The transition back home, however, was something that took Singh by surprise. 

“The girls were notably more mature and independent, and there was a feeling of self-sufficiency that hadn’t been there before,” says Singh. “It felt a bit strange.”

Trying to jump back into doing all the things he had once taken care of—the trash and recycling, chauffeuring the girls around, even simple repairs—was fruitless. “I’d go to do something only to discover it had already been done by the girls or my wife. One day, I half jokingly blurted out, ‘Seems like you guys don’t need me.’” 

Deep down, however, what he felt the most was pride in his wife and daughters for “picking up the slack” while he was gone. “That,” says Singh, “I didn’t want to take away from them.”

Shawn Moore with daughters Abigayle and Madalynn

WHAT YOU DON’T PLAN ON

Shawn Moore, 31, Staff Sergeant, Air National Guard

As the father of two girls under the age of 7, Shawn Moore of New Castle knows a thing or two about burning the candle at both ends. Since returning from his six-month deployment to Kuwait City, where he was stationed at Ali Al Salem air base, in January 2015, Moore went through a difficult transition from husband to single father—a common change faced by many servicemen and women, but one that does not always mean permanent separation.  

When Moore departed in July 2014, his younger daughter was just beginning to talk and starting to get into everything. Moore was grateful for Skype, which marginally helped ease his lament over “missing all the really cute stuff,” and served to remind the girls he was still very much Daddy, even though he was far away. 

“During my first deployment, I didn’t have a wife and kids, so things felt different. My mom was really ill, and that was a challenge, but it’s not the same as seeing your little girls’ faces on the computer and not being able to give them a hug goodnight. Or, my wife.” 

Moore’s experience is not unique. Maintaining a long-distance relationship under any circumstance is challenging. “We operated as a team,” Moore says, “but the team wasn’t there.” 

Moore felt guilty, knowing his wife was “absolutely drained” from working full-time as a nurse and taking care of the girls.  “She definitely had it harder,” he says. “I just went overseas and did my job. She was on double-duty.”

Soldiers are trained to plan for the unexpected. Moore admits that he and his wife weren’t prepared for the stress a deployment would put on them. Right now, it’s one day at a time, with as much of that time as possible spent with the girls. 

“People think that the greatest military challenges take place halfway around the world,” says Moore. “Sometimes, they unfold right in your own backyard.” 

Steven and Chris Krawczyk

ALL IN THE FAMILY

Chris Krawczyk, 52, Chief Warrant Officer, Army National Guard
Steven Krawczyk, 26, Sergeant E5, Army National Guard

Chris Krawczyk of Wilmington and his son Steven Krawczyk of Wilmington have been serving in the Delaware National Guard together for the past eight years. Though 22 years of their military experience have been unshared, their values and commitment are very much in sync. They are also shared by Steven’s wife, Sgt. E5 Lindsey Krawczyk, who he met during training, and who served in the same unit as his father while all three were stationed in Afghanistan in 2014. 

It was not the ideal scenario for Chris’ wife or Steven’s siblings, now 18 and 24. However, unlike Chris’ prior deployments (1990-91 and 2009-10), the level of safety and connectivity were much higher, which alleviated some of the anxiety felt by the family at home.

“It was old school back then,” Chris says. “We had letters and the occasional phone call. It was especially hard during bombings. We’d watch CNN, knowing that everyone at home was on edge. The first guy to get through would initiate a phone chain. That was the hardest part—knowing how scared our families were.” 

Steven, who recently became a father, felt the biggest emotional tug from his younger brother. “When I wasn’t around, he’d give me a hard time,” Steven says. “He didn’t understand why I would choose this life. He made me understand what it was like to be left at home, not knowing what I was doing.” Now that he is a father, it’s hard not to worry about how his own son will fare when he or his wife get the call again. For now, as his dad learned to do, he is making the most of his time at home and getting to know his little guy—whom, he might not have brought into the world had he not enlisted and met his wife.

The Berrys (from left): Jason, Karen and Michael all serve in the Delaware Army National Guard

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON

Jason Berry, 22, Specialist, Army National Guard
Michael Berry, 48, Brigadier General, Army National Guard

When Michael Berry of Georgetown joined the National Guard in 1988, his decision served a purpose more practical than the pursuit of adventure. He aspired to pave a path of financial stability and professional opportunity while building values grounded in helping others. 

Little did he know he would acquire all of that and more, including a wife, also in the National Guard, and three children. The eldest, Jason, of Dover, followed in his parents’ footsteps. But Michael didn’t expect that Jason would be deployed to Afghanistan at age 19, during his sophomore year at Wesley College. 

Like his father, Jason’s motivation for joining the military was financial. Lacrosse was a great ticket into college, but it wasn’t going to land him a full ride. “I knew so many guys being weighed down with debt,” Jason says. “I didn’t want that burden.” 

Enlisting was an easy decision to make. He had seen his dad go away and return home safely, with only minimal disruption to his family. 

“I never expected to be deployed,” says Jason. “Everyone in my unit kept telling me there was no way, so eventually I stopped thinking about it.” Two weeks into his sophomore year, everything changed. 

His parents weren’t thrilled. They knew, with the long wait list of those who wanted to deploy, Jason could back out. But he’d made a commitment to serve, so they felt as proud as they did anxious. It didn’t hurt that their son’s mission was in a low-level danger zone. 

With so much ahead, Jason was grateful for the opportunity to serve—so much so, he plans a career as a state trooper, like his dad.