The complexities of modern life have left many parents scratching their heads when it comes to tuning in and addressing challenging topics with their children. Delaware experts Deborah L. Miller, Ph.D., and Laura L. Epstein, Psy.D., weigh in on how to make these conversations meaningful and effective.
(1) Lighten the Mood.
Try keeping things casual: “Make it lighthearted,” suggests Miller, a licensed psychologist at Delaware Family Center in Wilmington. “Bring snacks. Go out and get frozen yogurt.” Balancing serious conversations with fun is key. Epstein shares a personal story where a dispute over a pair of gloves turned into a memorable family trial. “One of the wonderful things about being a parent is that you establish the culture of your family,” she says. “Reflect on what you want that culture to be and if what you are doing is in line with that.”
(2) Remove Distractions.
Epstein, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Rehoboth Beach, recommends tuning out technology: “You want [your kids] to know that they are more important than what’s happening on the television or on your phone or computer, so turn the television off and put the phone away.”
(3) Choose Your Setting.
“A lot of time these talks go better if you’re in the car or on a walk together, not facing each other,” Miller notes. “It’s less intense.” Even watching television together at home can provoke thoughtful conversation. “Pay attention to when your children seem most interested in talking—and ask questions,” Epstein adds.
(4) Ensure Confidentiality.
Privacy matters, especially to vulnerable tweens and teenagers. “You can certainly let them know that you’re not going to share with their siblings or other family members,” Miller advises. “Kids today are going through a lot of things that we weren’t faced with. …So, we need to keep our perspective clear and nonjudgmental.”
(5) Tune in and Tone Down.
Although it may be tempting to weigh in, make it a point to let your ears do the work. “Talk less, listen more,” Miller advises. Epstein stresses the importance of being mindful about reactions. “When having difficult conversations, it’s important to stay calm and manage your own emotions. If your children sense that certain topics make you anxious or upset, they may feel that it’s not OK to talk about them with you.”
(6) Resonate With Personal Experience.
“Some parents don’t want to tell their kids about their own mental health struggles, but please do,” Miller strongly suggests. “There’s a genetic component, and you shouldn’t be showing shame. I’m not saying tell them in detail, but don’t hide things like that.”
(7) Be Empathetic.
Miller reminds parents that the only answer is love. “Whatever it is, they’re not weird, they’re not unusual, they’re not bad. …Accept and [don’t] judge. Just try to help them because they’re going to turn elsewhere if you reject them and criticize.”
Related: How Delaware Parents Can Cope With Being Empty Nesters
